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AMMU

My confidante, my first friend, my pride…..my Ammu, you were so much more than a Grandmom to me. I owe you my values and principles.

Everyone who knew you would agree you were so much ahead of your time, free of religious bindings, social dogma, and economic fears.

Even when you had nothing to give, you gave your love to everybody. That’s how everyone remembered you. I remember the day you left us, hundreds of unknown people turned up at our house. Even Baba didn’t know them. You had touched so many lives, with your love and care. Starting from the unfed street dogs to the local vendor, from my teachers to Baba’s friends everyone loved you, because you cared for them.

You have always been there for me, and I have always neglected you. You knew all my favourite books, what I liked to eat, who my friends were, in return I never asked you what your favourite colour was? What made you smile or did you have dinner?

Ammu not a single day passes by when I don’t think that I should have cared for you more, even our last night together I fought with you for not giving me enough privacy. You never gave me a chance to say… I am Sorry Ammu.  You left me the same night I made you cry. Doesn’t matter how many candles I light in your memory now, or flowers I place in front of your photo or donate money in your name, all is in vain. I live with the guilt that your last night on earth was made miserable because of me.

I know you are in heaven, for angels like you would surely end up there, but believe me Ammu I live in hell, I live with the guilt that I made you cry. My privacy was more important to me than you, and you rightfully punished me by leaving me. When I had Raya, I thought how could I be so blessed, it must have been you who has given me the blessings to be a mother of such a wonderful daughter. I call Raya ‘Sunu’ at home, which was your nickname when you were little, hoping that one day she grows up to be the wonderful loving and caring person you were.

Bless us all, love us all………. miss you Ammu, you were truly a woman of substance.

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